The War

'Who are you?'

To some, these are fighting words. The struggle to be 'authentic' and 'true' to oneself is one of the more popular topics for mainstream magazine filler articles - in fact, words like 'authentic' and 'true' are bandied about with such frequency as to lose their, well, authenticity and truth. Hearing them can elicit a jaded response or an outright dismissal.

'Who are you?'

This is the question at the heart of almost all therapeutic and counselling enquiries. The person who asks this question of him or herself is the one who knows on some level that they are not living as they feel. Familial expectations and demands, and social pressures to conform and belong, often conspire to blur the picture of the person staring back at you in the mirror, adding embellishments that the world judges useful and attractive, covering up qualities that it finds less comfortable or threatening.

'Who are you?'

Trying to be who you are not can often be done - quite successfully, I might add - for long periods of time, even an entire lifetime. After all, the survival self, if well constructed, is a sturdy and effective way to negotiate life. But the truth - that word again - cannot be denied; it can be blocked, obfuscated, ignored but it cannot be obliterated by virtue of its very quality. Fighting against one's own truth is an exhausting battle that ultimately claims one's sense of self as the spoils of war - a hollow victory.

So - whose side are you on?